As you know, I became proud mummy to my wonderful son, Athan, recently. Now 4 months later, I already feel like an expert in all things baby. So here are 10 things you must know (and I wish I did) before having a baby.
- Do you think pregnancy and labour is tough? Wait until the first night alone with your baby, in a short-staffed ward, hardly able to feel your legs after the c-section, drugged on morphine and your baby crying non-stop because he has pooped all over himself.
- Your baby will not sleep from 3:00 pm to 12:00 am for the first 2 months. No amount of rocking, nursing, walking or praying on your knees will work.
- Breastfeeding is a bitch- enough said.
- Your baby will know when you go to bed. He will wake exactly 5 minutes later.
- If you started parenthood thinking that your baby got your memo about his new schedule, you will suffer.
- Just when you think you have got things under control, your baby will go through a growth spurt, sleep regression thing known as ‘Wonder Weeks’. Yeah, you will be wondering what the hell happened during these weeks.
- No amount of coaxing, cajoling, praising will make him do that cute thing you have been bragging about when there are people about. Turn around after they leave and there he is, doing it. TOO LATE, BABY!!
- Babies like to poo in the following situations: at the doctors, just after their bath, in a fresh nappy, just after they fall asleep, just after you fall asleep, in between nappy changes into your hands, in church, in front of guests..well, you get the idea.
- If you are blessed with a baby who sleeps a little, DO NOT brag about it to others. You will jinx it and will spend the next 4 weeks as a mombie (mommy zombie).
- Babies do come with an instruction manual. It only has one chapter- Crying
The only way to get through the above is by repeating the following mantra calmly to self: ‘DO NOT SELL BABY. YOU NEED HIM TO PUT YOU IN A GOOD NURSING HOME’.